Against the advice of my older sister, who had two circumcised son's herself, I had my son, my first child, circumcised.
They took him from me early in the morning and brought him back shortly after. They had tried to calm him before bringing him back to me, but it hadn't worked. I could hear him in the hallway long before they made it to my room. I knew it was my baby the moment I heard it. My stomach turned. He was screaming a high pitched scream that made every nerve in my body react in a way that I'd never experienced before. He was screaming for me to stop the pain. He was screaming for me because people were hurting him, and I hadn't protected him. He screamed every time I tried to nurse him for days because it hurt him to be held, he screamed every time he peed for a week. He screamed and there was nothing I could do but sit and cry with my son over the worst decision I've ever made in my life.
It was too late to take it back. I'd handed him off, my perfect newborn baby, to a butcher who ripped, crushed, and sliced his genitals with no anesthesia in the name of "looking like the other boys." I failed my first baby in the worst way possible. I gave him to someone that I knew was going to hurt him.
If you are considering having your son circumcised PLEASE research why it is done first. PLEASE research the importance of the foreskin. PLEASE watch the videos of how it is done. PLEASE read experiences of other mother's who've had it done to their babies. PLEASE don't violate your baby's trust like I did. Infant circumcision is a painful, dangerous procedure that serves no medical purpose; it simply removes a functioning, healthy piece of living tissue from a defenseless human with no say in the matter.
I have done a lot of work with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to relieve myself of the crushing guilt I have felt over his circumcision. I have also used it to help him work through his feelings about it. I can finally say that talking about it no longer reduces me to nauseating tears, and I finally forgive myself.
Since I cannot go back and change what happened I have made a point to help ensure that other mothers don't find themselves with the same regret. Each year on the day after his birthday, the anniversary of his circumcision, I donate the money for a circumcision information pack to Saving Our Sons. It feels good to both of us to think that our experience can help someone else.
